Strawberry Blonde Photography

It has been 750 days since August 9th of 2022.

It has been 753 days since I last saw your face.

I am in no way more prepared to share the “long, sweet, detailed post” than I was on the day that I wrote and shared that naive statement. Flippant words, tossed out across the internet to document the brief moment I was oblivious to the enormous waves of emotion that stood waiting to embrace me in the wake of your death.

Every. single. morning. I have considered writing it.

I took a break from social media, committed to honouring your life publicly with a written tribute before I would allow myself to share anything else with the world. I was convinced that the absence of hourly human interaction at my fingertips would motivate me to push through and write the words. I was wrong.

i wrote the words with pencil, i wrote the words with ink

i wrote words on the hardest days, i could not bare to think

i wrote words when i felt a little happy

thinking, this might be the day

every time I sat rejected

my heart, she says, “no way”

i wrote of your fierceness, the way you loved me so

those words, like boxing gloves

taking my breath with every blow

so i ripped up the papers, even burned some in the trash

but the words keep coming to me

so here i am at last

ive grappled with my sadness

wrestled with my anger too

every time i grab the pen

i face a different point of view

i am angry that you left me

feel guilty because im so mad

then come the uninvited tears

reminding me i am just so very sad

so I will sit here with these truths

as I begrudgingly let them in

and share these words, albeit more about myself

tomorrow I will try again

I will write the words to honor you

a tribute from my heart

but today is a day that you loved very much

Ill go spend it remembering that part.

strawberry blonde photography